


i wanna love you but i don’t know how.

by LLReid



Category: Bloodbound (Visual Novels)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon LGBTQ Character, F/F, Feminist Themes, Human/Vampire Relationship, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Character of Color, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Light Angst, Protectiveness, Requests, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Tension, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29831943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LLReid/pseuds/LLReid
Summary: Inspired by; Neptune by Sleeping At Last.~~~~Priya opened her mouth to speak but she immediately grabbed her arm and hauled her out of Anastasia’s earshot. “I will say it only once,” she growled. “You will leave her alone.”Priya pouted petulantly. “Jealous, grandma? What’s even the point in taking a fancy to that mortal if you’re not up for a little competition? What is the point of this tantrum—““Jealousy is a mortal emotion and I do not throw tantrums. I simply voice my displeasure in an angry manner.” She would have laughed in her face but she was too close to disembowelling her to do more than stand there glaring at her. “However, ‘that mortal’ is mine. Anastasia is mine. And I protect what's mine.”“Yours?” The fool snorted. “What could you possibly offer a woman like that? You’re a bitter old woman who has the emotional range of a teaspoon. I’m a hotter, funnier option for the mortal—““You have two seconds to teach yourself never to even think about laying a finger on her, or I start carving you up into tiny pieces. And it won’t be quick and it won’t be painless. I’ll make you bleed and suffer, but you won’t die. You’ll only wish you had. Am I absolutely understood?”
Relationships: Kamilah Sayeed/Anastasia Sayeed, Kamilah Sayeed/Anastasia Swann, Kamilah Sayeed/Main Character (Bloodbound)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30





	i wanna love you but i don’t know how.

**Author's Note:**

> Mixing two similar prompts for this one ✌🏻😌
> 
> Prompt: Priya flirts with MC (in a time before MC and Kamilah were together) and Kamliah is totally jealous and protective of MC but not quite wanting to show it because she didn‘t want anyone to know that MC means something to her?
> 
> Instagram Prompt: super protective kami but with priya x annie

“Girl, what the fuck?,” snorted Lily as she clapped a red-faced Anastasia affectionately on the shoulder. “Homegirl wanted to fuck you. You’ve, once again, just cockblocked yourself by being so sweet, you unbelievable dumbass—“

“Why would anyone want to fuck me?!,” Adrian’s mortal assistant squeaked. Her cheeks warmed and she smiled in her embarrassment, joy spreading like wildfire through her soul. “Like, for real, who in their right mind wants to fuck me of all people?!”

Kamilah barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes and a few council members gathered around The Red Room’s bar snorted into their drinks. She may have known this pretty little mortal for only two-and-a-half-weeks, but she was already resigned to the fact that the girl was one of the most — if not the most — oblivious person she’d ever met.

How anybody so beautiful could be so clueless to the fact, she just didn’t know. How anybody could’ve missed one of Priya’s mortal model’s very obvious signs of attraction when the woman had boldly sidled up to the bar just to talk with her, she could not even begin to understand. However, she did find the fact that the girl was so clueless oddly endearing... as she’d been tempted to stab the famous mortal supermodel in the eyes for flirting with Anastasia so brazenly and for even daring to think herself worthy of her.

Not that they were even together.

Not that she even had any right to feel possessive or protective after kissing her only twice. Once on the train to Marcel’s ball. Then once at her pool.

Yet here she was. Possessive. Protective. Especially since Priya had practically begged her to walk in the buyers show of her latest collection and had granted her the honour of closing the show. Especially since she’d already outlived Adrian’s previous mortal assistants and her life was still undoubtedly on the line.

“Dude,” Lily laughed. “We’ve talked about this. You’re a bad bitch and you gotta stop sending your potential hot one night stands into sliding into the DMs territory.”

Kamilah’s brow furrowed. What a DM was and how one went about ‘sliding into it’, she couldn’t say with any certainty. Part of her knew that she was eventually going to have to learn about these mortal customs if she wished her slow and steady progress with Anastasia to continue going to plan. However, the truth was, she hadn’t the faintest idea how courting a mortal in the modern world worked, as the last time she’d taken a lover had been right before the dawn of the roaring ‘20s.

Thankfully Adrian seemed just as mystified as her as he studied Anastasia intently. He was just as attracted to the pretty redhead as she, but of course Anastasia was the only person in the room who hadn’t noticed his lingering glances and rose tinted cheeks whenever she so much as looked his way.

“I know I’m a bad bitch,” Anastasia huffed as she stole Lily’s vodka shot and threw it back in one quick gulp, exposing the elegant column of her neck to the enamoured council of New York. “It’s just a Kazakh cultural thing for a woman not to assume someone is into her unless they actually make it obvious that they’re making the first move—“

“The girl was practically squeezing her own tiddies in front of your face!,” Lily interjected with a laugh as she handed her another shot. “How much more blatantly horny did she need to be before you took her hand and dragged her off to the back room to fuck her brains out?!”

“The hornier the better!,” Anastasia giggled.

Kamilah glanced around at her fellow councillors and felt immediately sickened by the way they were looking at Anastasia. Adrian was one thing; he was harmless, respectful, one of the few true gentlemen she’d ever met in her life, and she knew that he would never do anything to harm the pretty mortal. The others, however, would eat her alive. Adam, Cecil, and Lester didn’t even try to hide the fact they were slimy bastards with less than honourable intentions. And Priya... she simply hadn’t an ounce of class.

She was understandably intrigued by the fact most vampires the girl interacted with seemed drawn to her... unusual girl that she was. Adam, Lester, and Priya made no secret of the fact they wanted her to be another notch on their bedposts. Cecil — sick bastard that he was — had said multiple times that night that he’d love to imprison her again in his dungeons. Lily absolutely adored her. She and Adrian seemed drawn to her in the same way. And the Clanless vampires that she’d somehow had time to make friends with had apparently treated her like one of their own.

“Well I think you’re far more beautiful than the vast majority of models who walked for me tonight,” Priya smirked as her dark eyes roamed over Anastasia’s body hidden beneath the form fitting black silk gown she’d designed that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. She didn’t even try to hide what she was thinking as she studied her, and Kamilah’s heart sank. “What do you think of the dress?”

“It’s beautiful,” Anastasia smiled sweetly.

“Yeah, it's you. I started designing it the night Adrian first brought you here,” Priya grinned, her smile all teeth. She had as much personality as a pit bull and the pit bull was probably friendlier. “Black is you. Definitely your colour.”

“I’m your muse is what you’re saying?,” chuckled Anastasia.

Priya nodded and sidled a little closer to her. “It suits you. I wanted something dark to bring out your eyes, but I also wanted something that reflected your personality. Your vibrancy.”

Time had stopped in its tracks as she’d seen Anastasia walking the runway in the gown. She was unspeakably beautiful in everything she wore but this dress — even if it had been designed by Priya — was undeniably lush. So tight that it rested like a material mist in all the right places on her body. The front hem kicked up in a froth of of black silk with every footstep. Her mouth had went dry with excitement at seeing her in it. Her heart, which she had sworn blind to the mortal would never quicken for another again, had writhed and struggled like some live thing she'd just trapped inside a dresser drawer.

It was so difficult to conceal her own thoughts that she’d resorted to trying to avoid looking at the dress full on, lest her ample cleavage burn out her retinas with its allure.

Anastasia cleared her throat and seemed genuinely driven speechless. This girl had quite literally never run out of witty responses in her presence... yet here she was. Speechless. Driven that way by Priya Lacroix of all people.

“I, um, thank you,” Anastasia said, though it sounded more like a question. Like she genuinely hadn’t the first clue how she was supposed to respond to that.

“She’s socially awkward,” Lily chimed in. “You gotta take it easy with her or she’ll panic.”

“I am not socially awkward,” Anastasia hissed. “If anything, you’re more socially awkward than me.”

Lily wrapped an arm around Anastasia’s shoulder. “I’m just looking out for you, boo.”

Anastasia’s brow furrowed. “If you ever call me that again I’m divorcing you as my best friend.”

Lily winked. “I’m immortal now, bitch. Which means I’m gonna be being a pain in your ass forever, whether you divorce my ass or go senile or whatever.”

“I’ve never been more glad to know that I’ll be dead in a few decades. Like, damn. I’ll get to the other side and the first thing I’ll do is reenact the whole ‘FREEDOM!’ bit from Braveheart.”

“Well if you don’t do a Scottish accent I’ll be severely disappointed in you,” Lily said without even flinching. “Just cause you’ll be a ghost, that ain’t an excuse to skimp on iconic bits like that. It’s all or nothing— and you’d better fucking haunt the shit outta me, by the way. And I’m not talking about any Casper The Friendly Ghost shit, I’m talking the sort of poltergeist level of haunting they’ll make a horror movie about, you feel me?”

Anastasia burst into laughter and nudged Lily’s arm fiercely, because otherwise she would cry. Not because she was unhappy but because joy crowded every inch of her heart and soul. She was about to burst with it. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Lily joined Anastasia’s laughter but Kamilah’s blood ran cold. Apparently this generation of mortals considered casual comments about their own death the highest form of entertainment. Her protégé had attempted to explain the phenomenon to her whilst they were training and she’d grown concerned by the amount of times the fool had stated her desire for the sweet release of death when she was berating her for her inability to do a single pull-up. Yet she still did not understand how a wonderful woman talking about dying was a humorous thing.

Perhaps it was her age, she thought whilst shaking her head and taking a small sip of her gin.

“You’re beautiful. I’m beautiful,” Priya sighed wistfully as she stroked Anastasia’s arm. “Why should we deny ourselves a night of pleasure?”

Adam and Lester started laughing, and Anastasia’s glacial eyes widened. Was it shock? Horror? Or... worse... was it excitement? So many thoughts and emotions seemed to play across the girl’s face at once that Kamilah genuinely couldn’t read her.

As what-the-fuck moments went, this one was one of the bigger ones she could remember in the most recent years of her life.

“I... um—“ She quickly pulled her arm out of Priya’s reach and cleared her throat, which she recognised right away as a nervous habit. “I— I’m good, thanks— uh, sorry... but no.”

She had to fight the urge to smile at her refusal. Yet deep down she was glad to hear that which she hoped would one day belong to her could not be easily swayed by the pretty words of others.

Priya pouted. “But, darling, you don’t even know what you’re missing out on.” She reached out and stroked the side of Anastasia’s cheek and the girl seemed to freeze. A cold fist of dread clenched Kamilah’s throat and squeezed relentlessly. Anastasia wasn’t happy or receptive to Priya’s touch. Even a fool could see that she was miserable. “I can show you things that your pretty little mortal mind can’t even begin to imagine—“

“Stop,” Lily growled, sounding angrier than she’d ever heard her. “It’s one thing to joke back and forth but no means no.”

“Indeed. She said no, Priya, and she’s obviously uncomfortable with your advances,” Kamilah said sternly. “Drop it.”

“Leave her be,” added Adrian.

Priya heaved a sigh and removed her hand from Anastasia’s face, and the girl seemed to sag in relief. “Must you two always be such party poopers? Like, oh my god! Let me live!”

Her gaze narrowed and she could feel her hands twitching like she’d love nothing more than to throttle her. She was beginning to think it was an affliction of hers. Did she go around wanting to choke the life out of everyone or was Priya simply special in that regard?

“You are one inappropriate comment away from a sexual harassment lawsuit.” Her voice was even as she spoke but her blood was absolutely boiling. She’d love nothing more than to body slam the imbecile into the nearest wall. “It’s time to reel it in.”

“What are the two of you whispering about?,” Priya demanded as she noticed Anastasia and Lily talking quietly amongst themselves.

Both women glanced over to see the acclaimed designer watching them, her eyes narrowed with suspicion and a wounded pride.

“If I wanted you to know, I’d have spoken louder,” Anastasia said calmly.

“You’re doing amazing, sweetie!,” Lily snorted. “Be the stone cold bad bitch I taught you to be!”

Priya opened her mouth to speak but she immediately grabbed her arm and hauled her out of Anastasia’s earshot. “I will say it only once,” she growled. “You will leave her alone.”

Priya pouted petulantly. “Jealous, grandma? What’s even the point in taking a fancy to that mortal if you’re not up for a little competition? What is the point of this tantrum—“

“Jealousy is a mortal emotion and I do not throw tantrums. I simply voice my displeasure in an angry manner.” She would have laughed in her face but she was too close to disembowelling her to do more than stand there glaring at her. “However, ‘that mortal’ is mine. Anastasia is mine. And I protect what's mine.”

“Yours?” The fool snorted. “What could you possibly offer a woman like that? You’re a bitter old woman who has the emotional range of a teaspoon. I’m a hotter, funnier option for the mortal—“

Kamilah’s eyes flared crimson and Priya cut herself off immediately. She saw red. It was like Anastasia had taken over and the mere thought of Priya touching her sickened her to her stomach. She’d move the sun if that's what it took to ensure her safety and happiness. Nothing was more important than her security. Her focus was and had to be solely on her, for she had no other to champion her cause. If she didn't see to her happiness, who would?

“You have two seconds to teach yourself never to even think about laying a finger on her, or I start carving you up into tiny pieces. And it won’t be quick and it won’t be painless. I’ll make you bleed and suffer, but you won’t die. You’ll only wish you had. Am I absolutely understood?”

Priya actually paled at the venom dripping for each one of her worlds, then simply huffed and stormed off, and she was thankfully followed by Cecil, Lester, and Adam. 

As she returned to the bar, Adrian was staring at her with a furrowed brow and Anastasia smiled gratefully and turned back to Lily for a moment, muttering what she was sure were more blasphemies about annoying vampires.

“Perhaps we should get Anastasia out of here,” Adrian whispered to her. He drew away, his brows drawn together as he stared at her in question, as if trying to figure out exactly what had spurred her to take Priya aside at all. It was highly out of character. “You know how petty Priya can be.”

“Indeed, I was just thinking the same thing—,” she was cut off when she felt a small hand on her arm, drawing her attention away from Adrian.

“Thank you,” Anastasia said, her eyes shining with gratitude she truly felt she’d done nothing to earn. “For, um, standing up for me.” She glanced between her and Adrian as the four of them got up and started off towards the door together. “I usually get so stressed out I just start crying when people don’t take no for an answer— and thankfully that usually makes them run away.”

“That’s terrible,” Adrian frowned. “Does it happen often?”

“Dude, look at her,” Lily deadpanned. “Sis is so beautiful she makes all the other tens look like a solid six-and-a-half and I legit look like I’ve been beat in the face with a frying pan in all of our selfies—“

“You do not,” Anastasia sighed. 

“It’s chill,” laughed Lily. “I’m the ugly-ass failure of my family but imma take one for the team cause somebody’s gotta do it, am I right? But it’s fine, cause I’m also the fab gay cousin who causes political debates at Thanksgiving every year and makes the boomers lose their shit on the daily.” She paused and turned back to Adrian. “Yeah, anyway, as I was saying, our girl is hot. She has a pretty accent. She knows how to dress. So of course she’s attracting attention every time she leaves the damn house— this one time when she was still at Belvoire I stayed at her dorm and we were hungover AS FUCK with my rich-ass cousin, Zoey, and legit went to Starbucks wearing rainbow unicorn onesies and she got three Instagram handles in the time it took us to cross the street.”

Anastasia blushed immediately. “Yeah... that was really awkward. Anyone who’d flirt with a hungover college student wearing a rainbow unicorn onesie and Heelys has serious mental problems.”

Even though Kamilah didn’t know what Heelys were, she smiled. For some odd reason she actually enjoyed hearing of the life Anastasia had lived before beginning her job at Raines Corp. By mortal standards — and perhaps even by vampire standards, too — she just seemed so interesting. So... weirdly worldly for one so young. She was an enigma, that was for sure.

“I’ll walk you home,” Kamilah said to Anastasia as they reached the end of the block, where they’d all have to go separate ways. Lily was beginning another phase of her induction into Clan Raines and would be heading to Raines Corp with Adrian. And she... she simply wished to spend as much time with Anastasia as she could.

“You don’t have to—“

“I want to,” she said, cutting her off before she could even begin considering herself a burden to her.

Adrian’s eyes narrowed slightly at her as they said goodbye, like he couldn’t quite figure out what she was doing. Or why she was doing it. After all, she had been a selfish and miserable old sod for the vast majority of time he’d known her... so she knew it must’ve come as quite a shock to him to see her actually trying to do something nice for someone else. She, herself, wasn’t even sure when she’d decided to start being this unusually nice to the mortal. One moment she’d despised her. Considered her a threat to her brother’s life. One moment they’d been arguing — and she’d been awestruck by the foolish girl’s courage when she’d actually had the audacity to speak back to her with a bad attitude — and then the next they’d been engaged in a perfectly pleasant casual conversation.

Now she found herself playing the love-sick fool without actually intending to do so, quietly vying for a crumb of attention or approval from Anastasia, yet never stating her intentions clearly. She just felt so drawn to her. Anything to make her smile, she thought to herself as they walked along a darkened Manhattan street in a comfortable silence, that was what she’d do. She’d try to see her happy. She’d give her the damn moon if that was what it took.

“Its melancholy weather,” she sighed as a few spots of rain plopped onto her face.

“I love the rain,” Anastasia smiled. “I prefer to think of it more as weather designed for reflection.”

“You are the eternal optimist.”

Anastasia giggled softly, the sound like music to her ears. It frightened her. After so many years of feeling nothing, of even thinking nothing at times... Anastasia frightened her. She was Kamilah Sayeed and she was not supposed to be afraid of anything or anyone. She was a confident woman. She owned her own business. She led her clan with an iron fist and her name inspired fear the world over. But she... she had already made her start to want things she’d never wanted.

“Can I ask you something?,” Anastasia said after a moment. 

“That sounds ominous.”

The mortal chuckled and shook her head. “There’s no pressure or anything— you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to! I— uh... it’s just... um... something I think I noticed when that model and then Priya were hitting on me.”

She cleared her throat and nodded, her ancient heart quickening in anticipation. “I won't lie to you, Anastasia, but I ask that you remember what I told you about asking a vampire questions you don't really want the answer to. So be careful what you ask.”

“You seemed... not ‘upset’ about it, exactly... but you didn’t seem... um... happy about it.” She kept her blue eyes focused on the path ahead and her voice was as gentle as ever when she spoke again, “I’m sorry, I’ve had like three drinks and my head is a little fuzzy so I can’t think how to properly phrase it in English without it sounding like something completely different than how I’m meaning it to come out. I just— are you alright?”

Her brow furrowed at the question and she didn’t answer right away. Were anyone else to enquire about her emotional state she’d silence them with a stony glare and then berate them for prying into things that ought not to be pried into. She hated being the object of scrutiny. However, of what she knew of Anastasia’s nature, she knew the girl was only genuinely concerned.

“You were the one who received unwelcome sexual advances and you’re asking if I am alright?,” she breathed, her fingers brushing against Anastasia’s as they walked side by side. “I should be the one checking on you, should I not?”

“I did a fair bit of modelling myself when I was growing up. My parents weren’t hard of money but they felt like they needed more and that it was my duty as a member of the family to help out.” Anastasia shrugged. “Truth being told, because of my upbringing and the sorts of high fashion people I was exposed to, I’ve been on the receiving end of unwelcome sexual advances since I was a child. I was six the first time I remember a photographer making an inappropriate comment about the way I look— eleven when two male teachers at my English boarding school started making comments when they thought I wasn’t fluent enough in English understand what they were saying.” She spoke so casually it was actually frightening. “It sucks in the moment and makes me feel like I’m literally crawling in my skin, sure... but if I allowed myself to dwell on every pervert’s attraction to me I’d literally never leave my apartment.”

“I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that.”

Anastasia smiled sadly and raised her eyes to hers and Kamilah flinched at the horrible pain she saw reflected there. What had happened in this girl’s life? She wondered. What had she overcome?

“It’s just life,” the mortal said quietly. “We all have our shit, don’t we?”

She took her bottom lip between her teeth and began worrying it. What was she supposed to say to the mortals question without scaring her off? She needed far too much work to be a feasible option for anyone for a lick of good sense and sooner or later Anastasia would inevitably see her as the monster she was— so admitting she wanted to stab the model and Priya in the throat for daring to try to get into her pants wasn’t an option. She even hardly knew her at all.

“What was it that made you think I was feeling a certain way?,” she asked softly, their fingers brushing lightly.

Anastasia studied her in silence for a good long moment as they walked. “It’s just the way you look at me. It’s... different from how you look at other people.”

She swallowed thickly. Why did she have to be so perceptive of some things and so utterly oblivious to others? Part of her wanted to crawl into a hole and die at her observation. She hadn’t felt this way in so long that she wondered if she’d ever actually felt this way at all.

“And... how is it that I look at you, Anastasia?”

“Like you think I'm beautiful. Like I'm the only woman who's ever affected you this way. Like in a room full of other beautiful people who literally make money off of their physical beauty, you only saw me.”

She found it amusing that Anastasia had noticed that, when all night she’d been awed at the way she looked at her in turn. Like she was wonderful. Like she was the only was the only one she cared about in a room full of people who were attracted to her. Like if she ever looked at another woman like that, it’d kill her.

“I think you know you intrigue me. I certainly haven't made it a secret. But you also need to think about all I would take. I take a lot. I try to give more — I am not always successful— but I take everything,” she confessed, her voice coming out as little more than a fragile whisper. More than anything she wanted to be able to say more, to find the worlds to tell her that she was under her skin already. That she had tried and somehow could not get rid of the thoughts of her that popped into her head at the most inconvenient moments. That sometimes on the rare occasions when she actually slept... she dreamt of her. That instead of the bloody nightmares and Gaius’ manic laughter, when she closed her eyes she was able to see the blue of her eyes and those cute reading glasses she had to wear at work. That she often looked at her and began to wonder what it would feel like to run her fingers through her hair. “I can’t apologise for reacting the way I did because I wouldn’t mean it, but I can promise to try and alter my behaviour if it made you uncomfortable... but I know me and I know how I get when someone I... am fond of... is in a difficult situation, so I guarantee you it will probably happen again—“

“I don’t want you to apologise,” Anastasia interrupted, paying no mind to the fact they were being soaked by the rain. “I— nobody but Lily, my other best friend, Zoey, and my ex have ever tried to protect me like that before. So to have both you and Adrian backing Lily up— I liked it. I liked it very much.”

She raised a brow. “Really?”

“Really.”

She sighed softly and averted her eyes. “Tonight, in that room full of beautiful people, you were the only one I saw.”

Only a little over two weeks ago she’d have sooner fallen on her own blades than admit that to anyone. She’d just made herself as vulnerable as she could make herself to this woman. The admission was the same as if she’d just handed her a stake and offered her heart.

Their fingers brushed together again and her heart all but stopped when Anastasia slowly threaded them together just as thunder broke overhead. Out of the corner of her eye she watched as the smuggest little smile twitched at Anastasia’s lips when she didn’t pull her hand away, and that was all it took for the expression to be mirrored on her face.

Anastasia was an incredibly strong woman. Especially for someone so young. In the grand scheme of things Kamilah knew she was likely just as stubborn as she... but she had her affections, nonetheless. She didn’t even know if Anastasia wanted them, and she very well may not have wanted them. She may not have needed them or needed her to be complete and strong. But, deep down, a part of Kamilah knew that this woman was special, that she would always have a part of her that she hadn’t even realised existed until they day she’d wandered into Raines Corp and been confronted with this little spitfire of a woman. And her affections for her — unlike with everyone else she’d ever been with — did not come with any strings or expectations. They were given freely.

There was no doubt in her mind that Anastasia somehow managed to balance her. Despite not knowing her long, she genuinely had fun when she was with her and she could actually make her laugh. Really laugh so much that her stomach began to ache and her cheeks began to hurt. Nobody but Lysimachus had ever given that to her. That made her very special and what she had to offer her so very precious.

“This is me,” Anastasia said as they came to a stop outside of a high rise that stood amongst what seemed to be an area made mostly of brownstones in The East Village. 240 East 10th Street. The New Theatre Building. She hadn’t noticed the last time she was here how low the surrounding buildings were in comparison. “Do you, um, wanna come in?”

She huffed in amusement but made no move to let go of her hand and Anastasia’s wet cheeks immediately flushed scarlet. She was quite the adorable thing when she blushed, and she did it so easily.

“Not like that,” the mortal said so quickly that her accent thickened about a thousand times. “I meant, like, coffee or whatever— or gummy bears, I just got gummy bears— I’m not being weird, I swear.”

“Gummy bears?,” she snorted. “What are gummy bears?”

“Candy.”

“I hate candy and am still emotionally scarred from the Flaming Hot Cheeto I was coerced into trying.”

“Everybody loves gummy bears— you know what, I’m going to make you try one.”

She snorted. “You’re inviting me to your apartment to try a mortal snack food that sounds utterly repulsive?”

Anastasia raised a brow and started laughing. “Evidently— my god, what was in those drinks Lily ordered me?”

She was cute in her befuddlement. But she had to hand it to her. She was taking their relationship — or whatever the hell it was they had — very well. Most mortals would not be this relaxed with a vampire as temperamental as her. Anastasia hadn’t seemed to fight it at all, though she had no idea what had gone on in her mind, especially after all she’d learned since beginning her job at Raines Corp.

In order to stop her ridiculously endearing nervous rambling, she leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to her lips. Kissing her was something she'd likely never grow tired of. It was like drinking warm sunshine or licking the sugary sweetness of honey from a spoon. Smooth, silky-soft, and delicate and ultra feminine. She inspired possessiveness such that she all but screamed that she was already hers.

And the hell of it was she didn't even know it.

“I appreciate the offer but I have a few things from work that require my attention,” she lied. She wanted to go inside. More than she’d ever wanted to do anything in a long time. Socialising with Anastasia wasn’t draining the way being forced to be with other people was draining, but she knew that if she went inside she’d wind up losing every ounce of self restraint she’d been working hard to exert since the moment she first saw her. 

The immediate impulse was to tie her up in ways she'd never escape. But they'd be the most loving, silken ties in the world— and a night of bondage unfortunately didn’t align with the slow and steady approach she was going for.

“Ah,” Anastasia nodded. “Money never sleeps.”

She snorted. “No, it does not— sleep well, Anastasia.”

Anastasia pushed herself onto her tiptoes and quickly pecked her cheek whilst tucking a dark, rain-soaked strand of hair behind her ear for her. “I’ll see you soon... and there are gummy bears in my desk, too. You’re trying one the next time you drop by Raines Corp.”

“Doesn’t Adrian have a no food outside the break room rule?”

“I took it as more of a suggestion than a rule,” Anastasia said, her eyes twinkling. “I also have these really good oatmeal cookies and candied ginger that’s so nippy it kind of hurts to eat it and it’s the perfect amount of pleasure and pain every time.”

She raised a brow. “Pleasure and pain? Is that you trying to tell me something?”

Anastasia’s eyes widened and she started giggling. “I— wow, those drinks tonight were really fucking strong!”

She huffed in amusement and pressed her lips against her forehead in the gentlest of kisses. She wouldn’t fluster her too much... but, god, had her hopes for the future just skyrocketed. Three words were all it had taken for the butterflies in her stomach to start fluttering. 

Pleasure AND pain. 

The ‘and’ was important.

If it turned out she and Anastasia really did share the same taboo interests she was done for.

“Your disregard for authority is both frightening and oddly amusing. Please text me a picture of Adrian when he discovers your stash of food, I always find a great deal of joy in seeing him get so flustered that the veins in his neck start to pop out.”

“He’ll never discover it,” Anastasia beamed as she began walking away from her backwards towards the door of her building. “I look so innocent that nobody ever suspects me of rule breaking... and when they do I just stop softening my accent and pretend I can’t speak English so they’ll take pity on me.”

“Yes, Miss Swann,” she smiled, shaking her head, “you are the picture of innocence.”

The softest smile played on the corners of her lips as she watched the mortal walk away, giving her a friendly wave. She waited until she saw her get inside safe, the smile widening when the elderly doorman of the building gave her an affectionate pat on the head and then an exuberant high-five upon her entry. 

Of course she was the type to make friends with the doorman, she thought as she began walking away. Regret tugged at her heart that she hadn’t ventured inside, so much so that it genuinely took all of her strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. 

The dark and twisted part of her that had gotten used to being alone wanted to resented her for so easily inserting herself so fully into her life in so little time. Yet the bigger part of her, the part still naive enough to hope for better days, realised that she already couldn't imagine going back to living a life without her in it in some capacity. She had touched a part of her she’d thought was inaccessible. A part that had been jealously guarded for years. And she’d gotten there with no effort whatsoever. She’d walked right into her life and heart like she belonged.

One of these days, she told herself, she was going to summon the strength to quit running away every time they got close. Maybe in time she’d come to terms with her feelings for her. It had definitely solidified things in her mind the moment Anastasia, knowing full well she was a vampire, had still argued with her and given her a terrible attitude on the night of Lily’s Turning.

Deep down she’d known Anastasia was special, that she was different in a way she couldn’t quite place, the moment she’d first saw her. Kind of a cross between an 'I'm fucked' and a being struck by lightning sort of thing. If she couldn’t actually summon the courage to tell her exactly how drawn to her that she felt, then she’d show her... somehow.

As if she could convey by her actions what she could never say in words. What she wanted to say desperately, but would never likely be say in words— as she’d never been the type to say such things before. Words could be rather meaningless, anyway, she rationalised. But actions spoke volumes, and it was always through deeds that the true measure of a woman could be ascertained.

She took the long way home, winding through the city blocks back to the distinctive Ahmanet Financial skyscraper that stood out against the Manhattan skyline. Anastasia was on her mind the entire time, and she had no explanation for it. A woman her age should not have developed these sort of feelings so quickly... and especially not for a twenty-two year old mortal. She didn’t even entirely understand the connection. But it was there, and she could see that Anastasia could feel it too... and she realised that some things were probably inevitable. Anastasia and her... they were inevitable. 

No matter how much her nagging sense of self-preservation told her to try to fight it. 

No matter how much she tried to deny it. 

They were inevitable.

~ fin.


End file.
